"I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
UNDERSTANDING THE BLUES
If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the whys and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:
Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
"I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin
the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a
good woman, with the meanest face in town."
The Blues is simple. After you get the first
line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a
good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the
meanest face in town. Got teeth like a GOrilla and
she weigh 500
pound."
The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in
a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.
Blues cars: Chevy's, Fords,
Cadillac's and broken-down trucks.
Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They
ain't fixin' to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
Blues can take place in New York City
but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada.
Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.
A man with male pattern baldness ain't the
Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is.
Breaking your leg 'cause you
were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be
chomping on it is.
You can't have no Blues in an office
or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong.
Go outside to the parking lot or sit by
the dumpster.
Good places for the
Blues
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass.
Bad places for the Blues
a. Microsoft
b. gallery
openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
No one will believe it's the Blues if you
wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than
dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. your dog dies
No, if:
a. you have all your
teeth
b. you have all your hair
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
If you ask
for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. cheap whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
If death occurs in a cheap motel or a
shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
Some Blues
names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big
Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
Some Blues names for
men:
a. Big
Willie
b.
Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Blind Joe
Persons with names like Michelle, Amber,
Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men
they shoot in Memphis.
Blues Name Starter Kit
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind,
Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
I don't care how tragic your life is:
if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues,
period!
~author unknown~
(I have since been notified that the above is
copyrighted material and credit should be given to Judith Podell and Joe
Kesselman as the copyright owners. Permission is given with the following
statement being required:
copyright: Judith Podell and Joe Kesselman
Permission is granted to reproduce, and perform, these lyrics for non-profit purposes only. Authorship information and this message must be included in any reproduction, and Joe and Judith must be given credit at time of performance.
(It should be noted, however, that the words above differ from the copyright material)
(Background music: Memphis Blues)
Thanks for dropping by....hope you enjoyed the visit!
